you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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