she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Sorry about my life...
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
