so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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