Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
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