Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
