His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
