Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
