Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Buhtt sex?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
