would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
