Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
