HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
