you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
