You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
