You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Randomize
