I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
He passed out mid-signature
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
