if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
