i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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