not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Even the bartender felt bad for me
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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