Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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