you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
