Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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