This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Randomize
