I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
