She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
