I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
just tell him i said nine months
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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