you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
