i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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