After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
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