let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Randomize
