It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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