My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I deserve this hangover.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
