Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
