'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Let's get the cat blown out
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
