Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
