Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
