walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I can't turn off my feet"
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
