You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
false alarm, still single
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
