put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
