Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
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He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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