We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
