just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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