I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
