Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
