hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
