Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
