Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
