I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
