Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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