Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
