Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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