go do what you do best...puke behind churches
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
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I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
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I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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