Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
