u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
