Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
