can we get nightvision for the apartment?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
