My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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