Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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