no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
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All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!