You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
