if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
