Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
