i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
